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#38097
****Possible trigger warning, nothing very specific; insensitive comments made by another person regarding weight****

I wasn't sure exactly where to put this, I'm kinda still a bit confused about what goes where in topics and stuff, heh. But I'm feeling kinda confused, and weird, and just....icky. I went onto my that one BDSM community website account, and saw a message from someone. I glanced at their profile and saw some fairly insensitive comments about weight, I don't really want to go into a ton of detail, but basically he said he doesn't prefer 'bigger women, or fat females'. I've struggled with bulimia and anorexia for more than half my life, and weight is a majorly sensitive topic for me. My weight drops and rises depending on where I'm at with eating, and at this moment in time, it's at a bit of a higher point - something that is already hard for me to deal with. Seeing the word fat triggered a lot of stuff, so my mind went a bit crazy. So I replied to the person's message a bit reactively, saying, 'I might be considered 'fat' by some people's standards, I'm sorry.' [Cough, my standards, especially.] He answered with this long, long, loooong message, and now I just feel a bit sick. I don't want to post the entire response, but here are a few of the....'highlights'. 'Although I do prefer thin women, I have played with fat ones'. 'Your youth could easily make up for your being overweight.' 'You don't look huge in your two posted photos.' 'Also, you state that you "might be considered to be fat by some people's standards," leading me to think that you are not enormous.'

In response, I basically said that I felt really uncomfortable, and pointed out the same things as above. I still feel kind of sick, and uncertain about what I said. I always feel bad saying no to people, and highly uncomfortable in doing so. I rarely even go on that one BDSM community website because I highly prefer talking to and getting to know people on here, and am not looking to fet for a relationship. But his was a message I couldn't ignore.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, or what I'm even looking for, I just had to like...say it, or something. Because I'm literally nauseous and shaky right now, and sigh. I feel confused and uncomfortable, and teary, and just weird. I don't even know if my response was right, etc etc etc. Eeek, lowkey panic. Okie. Anyways.

Sorry for this message being kinda long, and I really hope it's okay to have written and put here.

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#38100
It's okay to vent and get these things off of your chest and your mind, but at the same time I feel like these people with such specific preferences are allowed to have these preferences. I feel like it's okay to recognize that the person comes off as rude, insensitive, and tactless and then choose to not interact with that person because there isn't much room to educate a person about the way they're presenting themselves to other people. You certainly cannot expect everyone to be able to look past our physical bodies because, unfortunately, we just aren't that intelligent yet and still, as a society, encourage feeding into and indulging in our even basic, animalistic desires.

The truth is there is always going to be somebody that is going to be so self centered that they don't care if they are hurting somebody else's feelings with their use of language. The truth is also that everybody has preferences and the people who lack care enough to present those preferences in a kind light are usually pretty arrogant.

Approaching those people does nothing but upset you and feed into their attention seeking. I believe that many of the people who make such bold statements are aware that they are coming off as disrespectful and rude to many. I believe when you show them that they've caught your attention and that you want to correct them because it's distressing to you then they are gaining something that just encourages them to continue the negative behavior. I think they really like the negative attention and to make people feel badly about themselves.

Also, that one BDSM community website is scummy. I got nothing but harassed on that site, sleazy messages from sleazy people who wanted to use me and toss me aside. It's like showing up to a nudist resort and instead of everyone just being relaxed and cool with each other everybody is being incredibly desperate and excited, overtly sexual and pressuring you to engage with them when you just wanted to hang out and be free of clothing restrictions. It's just a filthy place, disguised as "safe" "social network" for the BDSM, adult interest & twisty Community. Everybody there is waiting to pounce on whoever turns out to be innocent, easy prey.

I know you're upset so why don't you go treat yourself to something nice for a little while to get this off of your mind? Maybe you could run out to a store and pick up some popsicle sticks and glue to make a trinket box while listening to Radio Disney? Maybe a bottle of nailpolish could give it a pretty color. Changing your train of thought for awhile to get this out of your head is a healthy choice. You don't need to let this meanie buttons ruin your evening.

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#38101
That is very very veeeeeery true. I honestly totally don't even mind that that's his preference, I totally totally tooootally get that. Heh, yeah. I probably just shouldn't have said anything in response, I just like...I couldn't help it, exactly. I also kinda thought he would see my response, and not say anything back, as I thought it was a pretty clear 'no'. But yeah, not interacting woulda been a lot better, definitely.

Sigh, people shouldn't be so mean. I wish everyone was just nice and caring, and bleh. But yeah, that's true also :/ He sent me another message after I sent the second one, and basically said I was misleading, and something about how it's all in my imagination because of my eating disorder, and based on the pictures [I don't even understand this, honestly], and stuff like that. Sigh. Ickiness. Very very very very veeeeeery arrogant.

Yeeeeah, that's true, whoops. I just felt like I had to say something, I wanted to be sooo mean really, but I didn't do that at least. That's horrible of those people, that's not nice at all, I don't even get why someone would want to do that. I thought maybe he was just kinda confused or somethin, or that he really didn't get that he was bein mean and rude. But that makes a lotta sense, there are a lot of people like that I've talked to, I think. Especially on there, definitely.

I thought it was supposed to be good and all that because I'd heard a few people talking about it before, but yeah, I agree with that entirely. Almost every message I've gotten is about me becoming the person sending the message's slave with various other words in front of that, regardless of my fairly clear bio and title thing. I really just want to delete my account kinda, but I can't exactly figure out how, heh. But yeah, that's why I don't go on there that much, some of the messages are so uncomfortable to read, and then if they don't get a response they just send more and more, especially if they see an update on the page. It's kinda scary, honestly, I dunno. But yes, that website is really really icky and blech-y and cringe-y and yuck. Everyone on there acts as if there's no pressure for anything, but there is so so so much and then it gets hard to say no so many times because it feels bad and sigh. It really isn't a good website. Agreed times a bajillion.

Oooooh that sounds really fun, oh my goodness, that's such a good idea!! And then I can yessss I can paint it purple and pink and even put glitter on it too because I have four trillion packets of glitter in my room hehe. And that's my favorite music ever!! I'm gonna do that, yups yups, that's a super super super good idea. Oooooh or maybe watch Lab Rats or Wreck it Ralph while I make it!!! Oh my goodness now I'm super excited okay, yayayay yesssss i'm doing that yay!

Thank you so so so so so much for your response and everythin, and the time you took to write that, and the pm and every single thing. I really, really, really times a million appreciate it. ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨ Also sowwy, that was long again oops.

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