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Littles and self-harm rules? Self-harm aftercare?

Posted: |January 10th, 2017|, 9:31 pm
by bunnny
I'm a little who actively self harms and I wondered what you (littles) do when you feel that way.
Do you and your bigs have rules?

Bigs, what do you do?

Is there any advice on how to help a little who self-harms? Any "aftercare" routines ?

Re: Littles and self-harm rules? Self-harm aftercare?

Posted: |January 11th, 2017|, 6:07 pm
by PrettyLittlePixie
I have self harmed for 11-12 years. I don't think I'd allow a rule on my self harm besides the unspoken one of him obviously not wanting me to do it. It is my coping mechanism, and it is up to me to find a more healthy one and resist that urge. You can't put your mental health in someone else's hands. If you are only not cutting because it's against the rules, you'll be left floundering if something happened between you two.

The only aftercare I like from him is lots of cuddles, kind words and forehead kisses. I always care for the wound itself alone. One time after a particularly bad one I had to yell for him to help me and he helped me clean it and bandage it since I wouldn't get stitches. I did feel very close to him in that moment, but it was traumatic for both of us. I don't want him to see me like that again.

Re: Littles and self-harm rules? Self-harm aftercare?

Posted: |January 11th, 2017|, 6:56 pm
by littleryry
For us the rule is worded to ask the other to talk first - to encourage us to rely on each other. For me, I ask permission to if talking doesn't resolve it. For him, he's trying to not actively because he knows it hurts me when he does. If one of us does self harm we talk over what led to it with lots and lots of reassurance that it doesn't change how we feel and it doesn't make us love the other any less.

Re: Littles and self-harm rules? Self-harm aftercare?

Posted: |January 20th, 2017|, 2:55 pm
by Lookin4MyLittle
I had a little for some 2 years who would self harm quite randomly it appeared at first. It broke my heart. I'm not a Dom in any way, I'm a care giver, I try to nurture and protect. If you're asking for advice as to how to try to stop it, I would say that you need to try and find out why you're doing it in the first place. There's little point in trying to suppress the actual harming, I think you need to get to the cause of it. You can physically stop someone from doing something but those feelings will still be there - I think you need to establish what's causing the need for you to do it in the first place. My little felt it was the result of her relationship with her father, which had broken down very early in her life and the cutting was her way of releasing the pain. Having done a lot of research we tried (together) to confront her feelings (largely by talking about them) which wasn't easy for her as she didn't want to revisit those memories. It took time and it took patience and things were never perfect but eventually the self harming occurred less often. But it only happened because she was prepared to release those feelings buried deep inside her.

As for the aftercare, that was actually easier. It involved love and attention and her realisation that her self harming didn't affect what I thought of her. The kind of love and attention you get depends on what type of daddy/caregiver you have. The best ones will know how to make you feel comfortable and loved and, most importantly, secure. And then they will make sure you get that love and make sure you're in a better place. My little needed cuddles and hot chocolate and TV to keep her occupied, so that's what I made sure she got :)