[sjtalldaddy]

Are there daddies participating here who manage depression in their own lives?

If yes, I would appreciate learning from your experience.

I'm concerned that the fatigue of depression has the potential to make me insensitive to little needs. Especially that my own exhaustion might cause me to miss the signals of her transitioning to little space. Which would be upsetting to her and bad for us both.

I don't mean all the time. But, you know. You have downs and ups, where much of the time you're doing fine, but other times you struggle to put one foot in front of the other, or lift the fork from plate to mouth.

I want to be a good daddy. I'm wondering if it's not a lifestyle I should commit to.

Which would be sad, for me, because the love and rewards of a happy relationship are of course among the best medicines possible for depression.

Thoughts?

[MommaWren]

So, I am not a daddy but a mommy and my depression is based on a bad situation that I have not mentally resolved yet. My little has clinical depression so often feels down without much external reason. Like you said, there are good and bad times/days. I honestly think that a cg/l relationship is fine for people with depression because when I am down and my little is in littlespace, he can see me struggling and understands how I am feeling so instead of becoming self conscious (which sometimes does happen but it's not a deal breaker) he'll give me extra long hugs or just lean on me or tell me about something he's very passionate about or even he'll go play by himself where i can see him.

Being a caregiver isn't about always being untouchably strong and perfect all the time. We're still human and we're going to make mistakes sometimes. The best thing you can do is learn from your relationship with your little how to express that you're not feeling well without making them feel like it's their fault. Communication is key in any relationship and cg/l is no different.

[sjtalldaddy]

Framing this as a daddy-specific problem was terribly (unconsciously) sexist of me! Thank you! Apologies for that.

[MommaWren]

Framing this as a daddy-specific problem was terribly (unconsciously) sexist of me! Thank you! Apologies for that.

Oh, no, don't worry. I only mentioned that simply because if you were looking for a male point of view, I'm not it

[AutumnLove80]

Thank you for asking this question, sjtalldaddy, and thank you for your thoughtful answer, MommaWren.

I have been there with both of you before, both dealing with my own issues of fatigue/exhaustion and depression, while also being in a committed relationship with a partner/little who suffered from clinical depression, herself.

I think it is natural to always want to be the indestructible pillar as a Cg. I also know it is an impossible task. Attempting to be the "emotionally strong" one at all times would be nothing more than putting on a mask. We are human, and that means we're all susceptible to our emotions. Our littles, too, are human, and despite their complimentary lifestyle to ours, they are also adults who can and will understand that we're not infallible.

Like you, MommaWren, when my partner intuited that I was depressed while she was in little space, she would do things to make me feel better, like be extra cuddly, practice reading aloud to me from her favorite little books, or suggest we do activities together (like coloring or building with legos) that would take my mind off things for the moment. When she was not in little space and she felt my depression, she was my strong, loving, supportive wife who would let me vent, help me talk things out, and remind me that she was always there for me, no matter what.

When she was feeling crippled by her depression, there would be the times she would regress and it would be a crapshoot whether she would play happily in little time or have a tear-soaked, screaming meltdown tantrum that required absolute patience from me, as well as a lot of soothing, such as rocking in the glider with her curled up in my lap, stroking her hair, and singing to her to calm her down. There were also the times she did not regress in her depressed state, instead needing to vent or cry or just sit quietly with me, not as her Daddy, but as her husband.

I have felt inadequate, many times, in my responsibilities pertaining to maintaining our dynamic, both as a married couple and as a DDlg, due to my depression. She had confided in me that she, too, felt similar with respect to her role, as well, because of her depression. One thing that I believe always kept us together is that, as two adults, we were always able to talk honestly to one another about this, and perhaps that's an avenue you should explore, as well. After all, communication is crucial to any relationship's success, regardless of the other dynamics at play, is it not?


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